I’m on a solo adventure…spending a long weekend in Door County, WI. Why Door County you may ask? Well…honestly, I’m not sure! A few weeks ago I knew I needed to get something on my calendar…I opened the AirBNB app and somehow ended up booking a place in Door County. I think it was a combination of wanting to go somewhere different…and also feeling like I wanted to stretch myself by going further away from home. When I found a great deal on a cute little studio apartment above a retail shop on Main Street of Fish Creek it sealed the decision.
I remember a trip to Door County when I was a kid…maybe 5th or 6th grade. We camped at Peninsula State Park, picked cherries (a whole cooler-full), and visited my great-grandparents in Seymour on the way home. I think that was when I realized that I actually love cherries…just not anything cherry-flavored…or maraschino cherries. Yuck! I really don’t remember much else.
I am here at the perfect time of year for me…off-season. Sure…some things aren’t open…but I don’t care! I love the solitude. I love being able to walk on a beach and not see another soul.
I love walking a trail and feeling perfect communion with the world around me. I can stop…close my eyes…breathe…and nobody looks at me funny.
The past couple weeks have been…complicated…for me. I’ve given myself closure in areas that have been painful and confusing for years. I think I finally realized that closure isn’t something one gets from someone else…it’s a gift one gives themselves. It’s realizing that some things will never make sense and will probably always hurt, but are done.
And then about the same time, I was blindsided by my therapist telling me that she is leaving. And in my head all I hear is “leaving me”. And it’s another loss. Another person abandoning me. Another person that I trust turning away. Another person to grieve. And that’s a path that never gets easier for me to travel. And even though I know that our relationship is “professional”. I am her job. And I know she is leaving because it’s the best thing for her family right now. I KNOW that. But damn does it feel personal. It brings up all the same old crap in my head: Why am I not enough? Why does everyone leave? What’s wrong with me?
So…in the back of my head…I’m always thinking “What am I going to do now?” I don’t feel “done” with therapy. When I think of not having a therapist to talk to every week it puts me in a bit of a panic state. So I guess starting over with a new therapist is my only option…and that also makes me want to puke…so that’s great!
But…for the next few days I’m on an adventure! Yesterday when I got here I explored Fish Creek a little bit. Stopped in at the Fish Creek Market and bought some local beer…then headed to the bookstore that is conveniently located right across the street from where I’m staying and bought a local mystery…and spent a very enjoyable evening reading on my deck. I already finished the book and will be going back tomorrow for the second in the series…and yes…I know that’s a MN beer, but I hadn’t had it before…and I did also have some others that were local…not pictured 🙂
Today, I went to Cave Point County Park…where the pictures above were taken. If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend. Gorgeous views of Lake Michigan…and she was a pretty angry lake today…lots of big waves. I also checked out a delightful Brewery/Bakery…yes, interesting combination…called Sway in Bailey’s Harbor. I highly recommend that as well. I was there before they were serving their lunch menu and they didn’t even blink when I ordered a pilsner with my breakfast burrito…lol.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 