It Has to Get Better

As Taylor Swift would say “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me”. I haven’t written anything in about a month now. I “write” a lot in my head, but just haven’t put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. I couldn’t really figure out why until today…and then it came to me…kinda in a dream. It’s because I have been feeling like a complete failure. My last post I was writing about “Intention” and “Fulfillment” and I’ve put so much pressure on myself to “succeed” in those things that I have worked myself up into a stressed out ball of misery. And without my person here to help me work myself out and help me focus I just kept winding myself up tighter and tighter.

And then last night I got up to let the dogs outside at 3am and I was having a really hard time falling back to sleep…I made the mistake of looking at my phone…my brain woke up just a little too much…and I was laying there at 3am despairing over life…feeling like it will never get better. And then I finally dozed off and I had a dream about Jason.


I had a dream last night
Last night I had a dream
You were there
Your lips on mine
My hands on your cheeks
I can still feel your whiskers
On my palms
Trying to keep you
Even though I knew
It was impossible
Even in my dream
Last night I had a dream

And as the day went by today I started to see more clearly all the stress that I have been putting on myself…really unnecessarily. So…next tactic…find the things over which I have control and make small changes where I can. And continue to look for fulfillment in the things that make me happy…building relationships with family and friends, writing, listening to music, our kids, plans for my yard once the snow melts. At some point the “surviving” has to start feeling like “living” right?

Fun with my Sister-in-Laws!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s