Today is Jason’s birthday. He would’ve turned 45. Jason was never one that wanted a shred of attention on him, so usually his birthday was a quiet affair…family dinner…going out for a drink at “our spot”…going for a walk…doing yardwork (“This could be the last nice weekend!”) His last birthday on Earth his greatest joy was getting out of the hospital and getting to come home!
These “special days” hit me like a ton of bricks. The “missing”…the “unfairness”….the “what should have been”…the “what was”…the loneliness…all right there on the surface. All of these feelings that I don’t really know what to DO with. Tears have been oozing out of my eyes so much this week I feel like the corners of my eyes are chapped. The boys and I went out for breakfast this morning. They aren’t comfortable taking trips down “memory lane” with me yet. A few passing comments about their Dad is usually about all they can handle. So now I’m back to sitting outside in my gazebo…fire, blanket, winter hat all in use today…trying to dig deeper inside myself…to just keep going.
I can’t remember if I’ve shared this song before or not, but it’s on my mind today…
A lot of people have been asking me for an update on how Linc is doing. His vet on Thursday confirmed that there is definitely something going on in his wrist/metacarpal area of his left front leg. The good news is that the area is stable side-to-side and that he is able to put some weight on it…he’s limping, but at least he’s not “tripoding”. Unfortunately, she couldn’t really tell more without doing a “stress xray”…basically taking xrays while his paw is being bent…because it’s the only way to really see the area where the injury is. That type of xray would have to be done under sedation. We decided to send his chart on to an orthopedic surgeon to see what she recommends because we didn’t want to risk having to put him through that twice…once at the regular vet and once at the specialist. So we’re in a holding pattern right now waiting to hear from the surgeon. He’s still limping around and on hard core exercise restriction…which I think is annoying Emmett more than him…ha!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 