Christmas Eve Morning

I have a list of things to do today to get ready for dinner tonight (fondue with the kids) and brunch tomorrow, but instead I’m sitting on the couch feeling lonely and weepy. Jason and I always made a good team on Christmas Eve. He knew doing all the putzy kitchen stuff stressed me out so he would pour me wine and help with everything. He would usually take charge of cutting everything up for fondue while I would do the baking. He was also the pro at putting together the Overnight French Toast for Christmas brunch. Inevitably, I would have forgotten to get something from the grocery store and he would get in the car and fight the crowds without complaint to get the forgotten item…plus usually a few other things he found…because that’s the way Fregien men roll. If I forgot anything in my grocery order yesterday that’s just too bad…we’re going to have to make do without.

Thank you to everyone that is keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers this Christmas. I did have several special deliveries to my door yesterday that made me smile and reminded me that even though “my person” is no longer here, I still do have “my people”.

Blue Christmas

The spirit of Christmas fills the air
I used to feel it too
Now all I feel is empty inside
No joy in my heart without you.

I’m going through the motions
Putting up the tree
Buying gifts and baking
Missing you here with me.

Grief is my constant companion now
Sadness overflows my eyes
Everywhere I look reminds me
Of our last goodbyes.

Empty spaces everywhere
That used to be filled with you
Now your ghost is all we have
Christmas not white, but blue.

The kids and I will do our best
Keeping alive tradition
But every second of the Holiday
It will be you we’re missing.

Candles Lit in Jason’s Memory at the Empty Chair Service

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