Chugging Along

I still feel a little “hot mess express” today, but I’m working on trying to find my equilibrium. The combination of work being really stressful right now and struggling in my personal life is a horrible combination. I am blessed to have a fantastic boss and coworkers who are trying to ease the strain for me a little bit, but I still am constantly giving myself pep talks, taking deep breaths, and going in my office for a few moments of reprieve. All of our courts are being resurfaced so I am also inhaling paint fumes all day…NOT GOOD.

I have some plans this week that I’m looking to…that helps a little bit. Tonight, the dogs and I went for a walk with my friend Jen and her dog Scarlett. That was fantastic…yeah for fresh air and conversation. Tomorrow, my Amy is coming to visit me at work…she has already promised to give me a big ‘ole hug…which I will gladly accept. Then, I am meeting my friends Terri and Diane for drinks after grief counseling. Friday, I took the day off work to go to a huge craft fair with Jason’s sister. I’m a little nervous that the craft fair will be overwhelming, but hopefully it will be fine…either way I’m looking forward to spending time with my sister-in-law. Saturday, I am meeting my sister for coffee and a walk.

My brain is still very full of poetry. A few people have commented that I should put it in a book. Maybe someday…I am way to sensitive about it right now to have someone read it that might critique it and tell me it’s horrible. When it is in my blog only people that like it comment…and it just helps me express my feelings.

Send Me Some Strength

The nurse said
“Let him go Marie
His time is almost here”.

I whispered “Goodbye
I love you Babe”
With my lips against your ear.

I told you we would be okay
The kids and I
Without you.

Three months have gone by now
I fear what I said was
Untrue.

Everyday I wake up
Feeling so sad and
Lonely.

Getting through each day
Feels like drudgery without
My one and only.

I don’t know how to find
My happy place
My peace

Without you by my side
My world feels
Incomplete.

I know deep down inside
I’ll be okay
Someday.

But today it feels like
Sadness is here
To stay.

Please send me some strength
From up there in
The clouds.

I hope that when you watch us
You feel at least a little bit
Proud.