Ooof…didn’t sleep well last night. I had a lot of thoughts spinning in my head…work…friends…family. I started a blog post and then never finished it. Then I started thinking about why I blog at all…and I closed my laptop.
When I started this blog at the end of August I honestly meant it to be just a continuation of Caring Bridge. A place where I could write about what the Fregien’s are up to…how we’re coping without Jason. It quickly morphed into more than that for me. My writing has become vitally linked to my mental health. It is where I process my feelings…events of the day…share my grief with those who also loved Jason. It’s my voice in this world….a world that honestly doesn’t know how to deal with grief in a healthy way. I’m hoping that by opening myself up others can start to understand my heartache and the heartache of anyone else who has lost a spouse. It is not something that anyone can just “move on” from. So that’s why I blog and why I’m going to keep blogging.
I do other types of writing as well that is much more personal. I journal to Jason…tell him all the things I’m not going to publish for the world to see. That’s where I try to do most of my venting…some of it will spill over into the blog if I’ve had a really shitty day…for the most part I try to keep that in my journal though…mostly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings…that’s not what the blog is for.
I write a lot of poetry. Only a fraction of it ends up in my blog. Maybe more will someday…but a lot of it is just too personal and raw right now.
Time to get ready to tackle my day at work. Thanks for reading.