Today Seth got his driver’s license. A rather unexpected turn of events for me. He is our kid who got his permit when he turned 15 1/2…went out driving a few times…and then had zero interest in ever doing it again. He…and I…were feeling pressure from all sides because it “would make life so much easier if Seth could drive”…but he wasn’t ready and I stopped pressuring him. I knew he was under a lot of stress with his Dad being sick…and driving just wasn’t going to happen.
Well, at Jason’s Memorial Service a tennis friend of ours came up to me and offered to help Seth learn how to drive. Seth decided he was ready and went out with Jim a few times…maybe 7? Last night he sat down at the computer with his permit to schedule his driver’s test and discovered that there were either openings for today…or February…I was all set for him to schedule it for February and he surprised me by saying “oh well I’ll just do it tomorrow then”…like it’s no big deal. And he passed! So now instead of driving the boys back and forth to tennis…I can sit at home and worry about them out there driving…there’s always worry…now I know bad things can always happen.
I feel so many emotions. Overwhelming pride for my kid who put his mind to learning how to drive and totally nailed it. Worry about him being out on the road where there are so many unpredictable things that can happen. And of course sadness because Jason isn’t here to enjoy this proud moment with me. These moments of the kids’ where he is not here are just horrible. I hate that he is missing out on them, and that they don’t have their Dad. It’s not fair.