I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Usually I write or read until my eyes can’t stay open and then I’m out. Staying asleep is usually the hard part. Last night I just lay there thinking about how much I miss hearing Jason say “I love you”. For almost 21 years of marriage those were the last words I heard every night before I went to sleep…and the last 15 months when his memory was untrustworthy he would sometimes say it more than once. He would say “I love you” and then “I can’t remember if I said it or not yet”. I would just tell him he could tell me a million times and I wouldn’t mind.
Sometimes when he was having a rough day he would follow-up his “I love you” with “Thank you for taking care of me”. To which I would respond “You don’t have to thank me for that. You would do the same for me”.
When he was first diagnosed he would get really frustrated with himself when he couldn’t remember things…details about his doctor appointments and such. I told him not to worry about all that…the only thing you need to remember is that I love you and the kids love you. That’s it. And you know what? He never did forget that. He couldn’t keep track of anything else…day of the week…plans for the day…whether he had eaten or showered on a particular day…but love…that he remembered.
Those three words are powerful…don’t forget to use them.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 