Feels like 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years…somehow all at the same time. I had a really strange dream about him last night. To understand my dream you would have to know that Jason ALWAYS had chapstick in his pocket…and I never did. I was forever asking to use his…or kissing him after he put it on…maybe TMI…but this is my blog after all…lol. In my dream he had three chapsticks in his pocket…but one of them was the BAD chapstick…I snuck it away from him and then was trying to find somewhere in our closet to hide it because if he found it something BAD would happen. It was very unsettling to wake up after that…but at least I slept?
Today I met up with a friend of mine who specializes in turning t-shirts, sweatshirts, and other clothing into quilts. She is making me one out of Jason’s favorites…all those tennis t-shirts, a few shirts from trips, a marching band sweatshirt for our Anna. It felt like the right decision to give them to her…but there were a couple tears on the way home. It is hard to let go…even of these things I know I will get back in a way that I can actually use.
This is a bit of a bookend week for me. 2 months today and then Jason’s birthday is on Friday. I hate all the “firsts” without him. I’m already dreading the Holidays. If it weren’t for the kids I would just pretend they aren’t happening.