2 Months

Feels like 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years…somehow all at the same time. I had a really strange dream about him last night. To understand my dream you would have to know that Jason ALWAYS had chapstick in his pocket…and I never did. I was forever asking to use his…or kissing him after he put it on…maybe TMI…but this is my blog after all…lol. In my dream he had three chapsticks in his pocket…but one of them was the BAD chapstick…I snuck it away from him and then was trying to find somewhere in our closet to hide it because if he found it something BAD would happen. It was very unsettling to wake up after that…but at least I slept?

Today I met up with a friend of mine who specializes in turning t-shirts, sweatshirts, and other clothing into quilts. She is making me one out of Jason’s favorites…all those tennis t-shirts, a few shirts from trips, a marching band sweatshirt for our Anna. It felt like the right decision to give them to her…but there were a couple tears on the way home. It is hard to let go…even of these things I know I will get back in a way that I can actually use.

This is a bit of a bookend week for me. 2 months today and then Jason’s birthday is on Friday. I hate all the “firsts” without him. I’m already dreading the Holidays. If it weren’t for the kids I would just pretend they aren’t happening.

Dreams Too Good To Be True

Do you ever have a dream that sticks with you throughout the day and you just can’t shake it? That was me today. I had a pretty much identical dream twice last night. In my dream “they” let Jason come back for a few days. I don’t remember him saying anything to me, but I distinctly remember being tucked in his side under his arm and telling him how shit life is without him and how I don’t know what to do with myself when he’s gone. Both times I woke up with tears streaming down my face. I wish he would have said something…but he didn’t.

He would have been so proud of our boys today. Seth got his first job at the same health club I work at. I jokingly told him at dinner that he can now either call me Boss or Mrs. Fregien…he didn’t even chuckle…rude.

Levi had Freshmen Orientation tonight. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up. I was glad it was dark when they were playing the intro video because I was so teary-eyed thinking about how Jason is going to miss all of his high school years. Ugh…that sucks. Go Eastview Lightning Class of 2025!