I’ve managed to string together a few “pretty good” days in a row. Anna was home this past weekend. We had coffee with my sister on Saturday morning. Then she potted all of my outside flowers…in between rain showers and having to run and get more dirt…we grossly underestimated the amount needed. On Sunday morning I had breakfast with my friend Vicki and then Anna and I headed down to Red Wing for a wedding shower. Jason’s nephew is getting married next month. My first Great Nephew was also at the shower…nothing can beat two week old baby cuddles. Yesterday, I got it in my head that I wanted to plant some elevated beds with veggies. My sister-in-law helped me with that project.
Sometimes people ask me how I write my poems. A variety of ways really. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to write until I sit down at my desk. Sometimes something in nature inspires me…like “Tree of Enchantment” or “Fall”. I wrote a poem for my friend Terri after I was at her house and we were talking about how we hate it when people say we “lost” our husbands…like they are a missing sock or something. Sometimes my poems come from a phrase I have been turning over in my head….”Fairy Tale” was the result of thinking about “happy endings” for days.
Often my poems are emotions that I’m trying to make sense of by putting them into words. That’s how the two poems I wrote tonight came into being. One of the things that I struggle with is being able to “appropriately” celebrate other people’s happiness and big life occasions….babies and weddings being the most difficult. Of course, babies and weddings are happy occasions and I am happy for the people that are celebrating them…I LOVE babies and weddings…but they also are very sharp reminders to me that those days are over…I will never feel that happy again. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to share in those occasions…but I will also be sobbing later.
So I sat down and thought I was going to write a poem about that emotion. I even wrote “Yesterday” at the top of the page and then this poem came out of nowhere.
Looking Down Heaven is said to be the Ultimate goal When you breathe your last and Release your soul They say it’s a place of Beauty and peace Where God gathers you close and All your pains cease But what do you do all day Without your family Your daughters and sons Do you miss me? What are you thinking When you look down from a cloud? I hope you see our kids and They make you proud Anna leads the way Strong and confident Following her passions To every continent Seth is finding his path Winding as it may be Struggling with his own grief He still takes care of me Levi watched the way you Loved me for years That love he shows his girlfriend Never causing her tears Our brood is finding their way I wish you were here to see it To enjoy them next to me Not just in spirit
It was definitely an “I’m not really sure where that came from” moment…but it worked, so there it is. I immediately finished that one, renamed it…and then wrote my “Yesterday” poem
Yesterday Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday I met a guy A tennis-playing computer nerd Something about him caught my eye Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday we kissed for the first time We were in his brother’s dorm room After that I called him mine Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday we went “all in” Said our “I do’s” In front of family and friends Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday we grew our family A daughter and two sons A perfect Fregien trilogy Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday we laughed we loved Cried and fought together too But always rose above Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday we had date night with friends Holding hands, laughing, meeting each other’s eyes Anticipating night’s end Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday our heads shared a single pillow Whispering our dreams Our plans for tomorrow Let me tell you about yesterday Yesterday my soulmate died The world kept on marching Taking tomorrow in stride But I just want to tell you about yesterday
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 