I used to love the week in between Christmas and New Years. Jason always had off from work…and the years when I had jobs outside the home I would try to take off as much as I could. It was fantastic. We looking forward to it every year. We never really did anything huge. Sometimes we would spend part of the time at my parents’ house. The week culminated with Fregien Family Christmas on New Years Day at Jason’s parents’ house in Red Wing.
This year…ugh…it was hands down the worst week for me of the whole year. It was the busiest it has ever been in my five years at Life Time. Lots of families off for the week…just like we used to be…looking for something to do together. That combined with coworkers taking off and I barely had moments to breathe most days. And of course it’s end of the month…end of session for junior classes…start of new session next week. Just a bad work week. And I was dealing with getting Seth’s car fixed…four new tires now…and Levi played in a tennis tournament 30 minutes away. Thank goodness I had help getting him there because I just couldn’t. I made it to as many matches as I could, but of course still feel Mom guilt for not being there for them all.
And maybe I’m just feeling whiney and sorry for myself, but damn…it’s really hard not to look back and remember how much I used to love this week…and then compare it to the week I just had…and not want to sit down and sob. How did I go from being part of one of those “families spending time together” to now…where I feel like I helped other families get their time together, but had no time of my own? It’s so hard not to think “If Jason were here…” and how much different this week would have looked and felt. I might have still worked just as much, but he would have been there for all the other “stuff” and we would have rocked the “busy” together.
So…last day of 2022 today. Tomorrow the kids and I will go to Fregien Family Christmas…the first one since pre-covid…first one without Jason…first one that Jason’s brother is hosting instead of his parents. So many changes.