Yesterday was a good day. It started out a little rough. I had therapy in the morning. My week had me feeling pretty battered and exhausted. Anxiety was huge for me last week and I had a few things I just needed to talk out. Looking back I think that I have always had a fair amount of anxiety, but Jason was always there to talk things through with me so my brain could let go. Now, my brain can’t let go and all my worries just spin and spin and spin. It is paralyzing and exhausting.
Midmorning I left to go to Eau Claire to help Anna move back home. Jeremy came with me, which I really enjoyed. It was nice chatting with him in the car…reminiscing about our college years…talking about Jason…talking about the kids…tennis…life. We stopped at one of our favorite spots for lunch…Mancinos…bonus!
After we got the cars unpacked at home, Anna and I headed out to go buy plants for my pots outside. We decided to do all purple flowers for Jason. She spent the rest of the evening getting everything potted for me. She is my plant-loving girl for sure. I now not only have color outside, but every spare surface inside has a plant on it. I don’t know how she fits them all in her dorm room. The flowers outside make me smile, but I don’t think I even would have done them without her.
Then, out of the blue last night Seth tells me he got a job coaching tennis this summer. I don’t know why I doubt that kid and worry about him so much because he always pulls through and does things in his own time. I told him when he moved back home that I wasn’t going to nag him about working…that I knew he needed his time and space to grieve his Dad….but I really wanted him to just finish his semester of classes. Well, he not only finished his classes, but he decided to get a job as well. He and I went out for lunch together and I really think he is doing just fine.
So…good day yesterday…good time with Seth today…and then this afternoon was horrible. Sad…lonely…panicky…couldn’t focus…anxious. Then I got frustrated with myself because I have so many things I could do and I just couldn’t. My emotions just got the better of me and I literally felt paralyzed. I went outside and watered the plants and that felt like a huge accomplishment.
Tomorrow morning the kids and I are going out for breakfast. We really value our breakfast tradition. Usually we go on Saturday morning, but Anna and I both worked this morning, so Sunday morning it is!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 