Easter Weekend

The piano has been a big hit in our house…with everyone except Seth. He likes to listen to music…play it? Not so much. It is something that Anna and Levi can bond over though…which is a really good thing for the two that spend a lot of time butting heads!

This morning we had breakfast with Levi’s girlfriend, Svea’s family. I have known her parents for years, so it wasn’t too stressful. In fact, Jason and I played doubles against them once…and beat them! It was another one of those times though were I really missed Jason. Another reminder that our family isn’t complete anymore. Just me here…trying to hold it all together.

This afternoon Svea had a tennis match and Levi and I went to watch her. Since Svea’s parents both play tennis and Levi has been in drills and things with them quite a bit he is really comfortable with them. He stood by her Dad and the two of them chatted during the whole match. I can’t imagine there are very many 14 year-olds that would feel that comfortable talking to their girlfriend’s Dad!

This evening my whole Grief Counseling Group gathered IN PERSON together for the first time. One of them lives in Colorado and she is in town for the weekend so we were able to all get together for a meal and to hang out for a little bit. We had some good laughs.

Speaking of counseling I was finally able to get in for an individual session with a therapist yesterday. I was actually supposed to have a virtual session with her on Wednesday, but we had technical difficulties so ended up rescheduling for in-person yesterday. I think the technical difficulties were a blessing in disguise because in-person seems like it will be so much better. It was just the initial intake session…so pretty basic…but I really like the therapist and find her very easy to talk to. I see her again in two weeks.

Tomorrow we are looking forward to going to Jason’s sister Jenny’s house for Easter lunch. It will just be her family and ours, so pretty low-key…which is my preferred vibe these days.

Lots of poetry rambling around in my head lately. Sometimes it makes it’s way out into something that makes some sense.

Rearview

And I yearn to scream
But I stay silent.

The voices in my head are loud
Obliterating the quiet.

Questions circling in my mind
I don’t dare to voice.

So many emotions hold me hostage
Paralyzed in a vise.

I try to find some peace in poetry,
Music, a glass of wine.

But pain and loneliness are constant
Companions for all time.

And time seems to stretch on forever
A solitary road into the future.

Hopes and dreams are nonexistent
Just a shapeless blur.

And I don’t know what to look forward to
With the best days in my rearview.

I keep looking back over my shoulder
Hoping for one more glimpse of you.

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