But…

I’ve kept pretty busy the past few days. Wednesday night I went out with my friend Terri and my sister-in-law Cheryl. We had a good night out and even got lucky at pull tabs…bonus! Thursday night Levi and I hung out with our friend Erik. I gave him wedding planning advice and he taught Levi how to pour a Guinness….life skills. Friday night Levi and I hung out together playing board games. The Game of Life…not as fun as I thought it was when I was a kid. Yesterday I spent the day with my sister-in-law Jenny. We stopped at Jason’s bench and then went to a big craft fair. Now that I have freshly painted walls I need some new decor! I found a couple things. Today I had lunch with friends of ours from college…played pickleball…and then Levi and I went out to dinner with my friend Melonie.

And I was happy…..but…

And I had a good time….but…

I smiled…but…

I laughed….but…

The sadness is always there….right beneath the surface.

And then I get home to our house…where he should be…get into our bed with a dog or two instead of him…and just pray that I fall asleep fast so that I don’t have time to fall apart.

And I don’t want to have to face another day…but I will. Tomorrow will be 8 months of days without him. I look back at pictures of happier times…25 years of happy times…and I smile and laugh…and then remember that we will never be able to make memories together ever again…and that’s when I can’t breathe past the lump in my throat and the tears won’t stop falling.