End of Spring Break

And It's Now

And it’s now and
Now and
Now and
Now

That I miss you the most.

Between this breath and
Next and
Next and
Next

That my thoughts are full of you.

My grief is overwhelming as tears
Fall and
Fall and 
Fall

I am drowning.

And I look up to the sky and scream
Why and
Why and
Why

Today Anna and I visited Jason’s bench and tied some purple and gray bows on it. Purple because it’s his favorite color…and gray for brain cancer awareness. I was hoping to find some ribbon with tennis balls on it, but they didn’t have any at Michael’s. I’ll have to see if I can find some to order from Amazon….they have everything right?

One of the things that I have been struggling with because Jason was cremated is not having a grave to visit. Somewhere that I can feel close to him and at peace…and maybe actually take a full breath or two. I feel like this bench will help with that need. It is less than a mile away from our house and right on my way to work. Easy to swing in and sit…even if just for a few moments.

Anna and Seth went back to school today. It was so hard to say goodbye to them. I am grateful to my parents and to my sister Emily and brother-in-law Tim for helping to get Seth here. I really enjoyed having all my chicks in the nest for a week, even though I worked and they were busy with their own things…just knowing we were all under the same roof at night brought peace to my heart.

Now to get ready for another week of work. Levi goes back to school and starts tennis tryouts tomorrow. We could use some better weather this week!

2 years ago today. Still in our happy bubble.

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