Crummy Day

All days are hard. Some days so much harder than others. This was one of those days. Rough around the edges…cranky…and teary all day at work. Feeling overwhelmed more than usual. Crying in the car on the way home because all I want is for Jason to be here to listen to me and give me a hug…and he’s not.

Last night we were talking about our summer family vacation. I think that’s what triggered the rough day today. Family vacation…how can we have family vacation without Jason? Last August we left the day after his funeral to go to the Southern Western Open in Cincinnati…a trip we were supposed to take with Jason…his “bucket list” trip. The kids and I had fun, but I think we were all so shell-shocked we really didn’t even know what reality was yet. The boys want to go again this year, Anna’s less excited about watching days of tennis. We’ll probably have to figure out some sort of balance there. And I want to go and spend quality time with our kids and have fun with them…believe me I do…but I so badly want to share all those moments with Jason there with us.

Today, I was chatting with a guy at work. Super nice guy. He comes in a few times a week, but this is the first time I’ve chatted with him for any length of time. Turns out he is leaving with his family to go on a cruise over Spring Break. So we got talking about cruises, and he said like 4 times in the conversation “going on a cruise is something you have to do at least once before you die”. Poor guy had no clue that he was twisting a knife into my heart every time he said that. One more thing Jason missed out on.

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