Tonight I’m Smiling

Tonight I’m truly smiling more than I have for a long while. I worked until Noon today and then ran some “errands”. First, I went to the UPS Store to get a beneficiary form notarized and overnighted to Vanguard. The first step in getting Jason’s 401k transferred over to me. This is the last of the “big accounts” I need to take care of. Yes, there are still things in his name…but this is the last big piece that really matters. After this is complete I can sit down with my finance guy and look at things “big picture” and secure my financial future. Not real fun stuff…at least for me…but it is certainly peace of mind.

Second…you may remember that months back I snagged the solitaire on my wedding ring on something…the diamond fell out…panic ensued…and thankfully I ended up finding it in my car. Since then I have been wearing Jason’s wedding band. Today, I went to a local jeweler thinking that I would talk to somebody about designing a new ring out of the two bands together. Well, I got a sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about changing my ring and decided to just get it fixed…because when it comes down to it what I really want is to wear MY ring again…the one BOTH of us picked out. So next week my ring should be ready for me to wear again. They are going to put a completely new crown on it and set it a bit lower so that it doesn’t stick up so much and snag everything…but I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I feel to know that it will soon be back on my finger where it belongs.

Third…I got a tattoo. Since Jason passed I have had the idea in my head that I wanted to get his handwriting on my forearm…where all I have to do is look down and know that I am still loved by him forever. It’s my first tattoo, so it took me a bit to get up the nerve…but damn…I love it so much. Arthur, the tattoo artist, was so nice and kind. He was covered in a zillion and one tattoos, but this guy cares so much about his craft and was 100% dedicated to making sure my tattoo is exactly how I want it…from the size to the exact spot it is on my arm. He chatted with me and let me talk about Jason….completely listening…not prying at all…just letting me know he cared about my story and what this tattoo means to me. I got all teary is his chair and he just let me be and was just so kind. Jason is not a fan of tattoos, but I feel like he’s okay with this one.

To top off my day I had dinner with two of my really good widow friends. We were all smiling and laughing so hard together. And it just felt GOOD. We talk so much about our husbands that I feel like I know theirs and I’m sure they feel like they know my Jason. My friendship with them has truly been a light in the darkness these past 7 months.

Hopefully, my smiles will bring me a peaceful night’s sleep and will continue into my day tomorrow.

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