I had the chance to read a couple books this week. One of them was recommended by one of my friends in my grief counseling group…”Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies” by Tara Schuster. Ultimately, it is a book about pinpointing the destructive behaviors in your life, replacing them with healthy rituals and self-care, and thus leading a happier life. My big takeaway from the book is that I need to set up an “office” in my house. Somewhere that I can have my laptop and a desk…maybe some of my favorite quotes hanging on the walls…pictures…candles. A creative spot where I can write and have “me time”. Well, that and to stop smoking weed…which for the record I have never done and am not intending to start…lol.
The other book was also recommended by a friend of mine…”Everything Happens For a Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved” by Kate Bowler. Some background…Bowler is a professor at Duke Divinity school and was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer when her son was just an infant. This book had me in tears so many times. I could see myself in her…I could see Jason in her…there were times I thought “I wonder if that is how Jason felt”. This was one of the passages that hit me in the gut, “I used to think that grief was about looking backward, old men saddled with regrets or young ones pondering should-haves. I see now that it is about eyes squinting through tears into an unbearable future. The world cannot be remade by the sheer force of love. A brutal world demands capitulation to what seems impossible–separation. Brokenness. An end without an ending”. Yes…all of that.
So this morning I woke up with a helluva sore throat…worst sore throat I’ve ever had…but also feeling antsy from being cooped up so many days…and I thought I would get started on my “office space”. Well, that didn’t happen because no sooner did I finish my coffee and I got a text. My vehicles came in today and were ready for pickup. When I let the guy at the dealership know that I have Covid he was absolutely great and said, “Well, if you’re game to pick them up today we can do 99% of everything contactless”. He wasn’t kidding. Who knew you could actually purchase two cars…including dealing with trade-ins…solely over text and email? I literally saw him for less than 5 minutes. Now I have three safe, dependable vehicles with my name on the title. No more worries that my kids are going to be stranded somewhere or get pulled over by the cops…unless they deserve it! And when both license plates start with HPY I definitely see that as a sign that Jason is HAPPY and I made the right choice. I also have one very happy daughter who wasn’t sad at all to say goodbye to her clunker.
I’m hoping my sore throat will be better tomorrow. Thank you to everyone that has checked up on us this week. I appreciate it!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 