Time marches on whether we want it to or not. 2022 is here. The kids and I went to Jeremy and Cheryl’s last night. It is always good to hang out with them and was definitely better than spending the evening alone….but there was some “unraveling”…we left early…and I feel like I owe J and C an apology for a less than relaxing NYE.
I was already feeling emotional about the New Year…holding on by a thread…but I felt like I was doing okay. Then I picked up a book from the coffee table that Cheryl’s daughter had made for them for Christmas with pictures from their wedding in July. Beautiful book, beautiful pictures…and then I hit the last photo spread and it was “In Memory of Jason Fregien” and I lost it. I’m crying right now thinking about it again. That small thread snapped and I just really wasn’t able to recover the rest of the night.
Emotions were also running high with Anna…but she never wants to show her sadness…so it comes out cranky and bitchy. She was a handful….literally acting like a 2 year old. And all I kept thinking was “I can’t deal with her right now. I need Jason” over and over again. I have to remind myself that in some ways she is at a different place with her grieving because she went back to school pretty quickly after Jason died…reality is hitting her now.
We were watching NYE celebrations on TV. When Midnight hit on the East Coast and the host said “Make sure you have your person next to you to ring in the New Year!” I knew it was time to go. I was in bed sleeping by midnight Central Time.
My plan for today is to stay warm and cozy inside. Maybe get out a puzzle. Listen to music. Try to find some calm.