Not a good day today. Personal stress and work stress all converging into a silent scream. Some days I feel like stress and grief are turning me into a person I don’t even like very much and I really hate that. Recently someone actually told me that I “don’t have a sense of humor” which is pretty close to the worst insult I can think of. I used to have a great sense of humor. I would laugh hysterically at the littlest things. Jason would say “You really crack yourself up don’t you?”. To which I would reply “Well, you married me for my sense of humor didn’t you?” Real laughter is a lot harder these days.
I had dinner plans with Terri after work today. She helped me decompress quite a bit before I came home, but I still feel like there is a huge stress ball in my gut, my nerves are stretched to their breaking point, and my jaw hurts from constantly clenching it. The kids all had plans tonight. Anna’s at a friend’s house and the boys are playing tennis. I’m glad because I am no good for anyone tonight.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 