I’m just feeling fully exhausted today…and not the type that can be solved with a nap. It was great having Anna home this weekend and having more time with our kids…but also tiring not having much down time and trying to keep my mood up for them. I’m continually working on getting accounts and whatnot switched over to my name…lots of frustrations and roadblocks with that. Work has been frustrating and stressful…thank God for awesome coworkers at least. Health issues in my extended family are causing me worry and stress and flashbacks to taking care of Jason. All of that combined with deeply missing Jason…and then the holiday season…I just want to get in bed…pull Jason’s quilt up over me…and stay there all day.
I have read a fair amount of articles about getting through the holidays without your loved one. The common thread through all of them has been “don’t do what you don’t feel like doing”. Honestly, none of the authors of those articles must have had kids, because that is complete bullshit. I don’t feel like doing any of the normal holiday things…but when I ask our kids what they want to do, they want to do all of our usual traditional things…so that’s what we’ll do…and I’m already exhausted just thinking about it. I know that they desperately just want things to feel “normal”.
One of the things that I always enjoyed so much about the holidays was just the extra time together. I loved the long Thanksgiving weekend…start it out with family…but then spend the rest quiet at home…just enjoying each other. And then at Christmas-time Jason would always have off work the whole week between Christmas and New Years…and that was my absolute FAVORITE. I loved having him home. We just loved spending time together.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 
Having lost someone dear to me 4 days before Christmas there were a lot of things I didn’t want to do (and didn’t do). No children at home and not my husband so I certainly am not trying to say I know how you feel because I DON’T. But I got through that Christmas by doing some things that honored the past (with a ton of help from my kids and grandchildren) and added some new (Christmas is at Ceora’s now) for instance.
I don’t believe for a minute that Anna, Seth and Levi wouldn’t be open to listening to your needs and compromising on what’s most important to you and them. Maybe if they really want to do something that you just don’t have the emotional energy for one of Jason’s siblings or someone close would like to share that with them. They are good people, raised by the best. It’s ok for traditions to change, even if you just put it on pause. There is no faking your way through every event of the season. Peace to you Marie❤️
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