Four Weeks Today

Today marks four weeks since Jason has been gone. Every day is harder…reality sinks in just a little more…tears are closer to the surface…getting out of bed a chore. My mornings are a struggle…hard to get going. I’m glad that I am back at work…if I get there and just need a hug to give me strength for my day I am always able to find someone to give me one. Then I am able to throw on my “Everything is Fine” mask to get through my day.

Getting home from work is a slap in the face again. Walking in the door and not seeing Jason sitting on the couch waiting for me…happy to see me home. No one to talk to about my day…except the dogs…they’re always happy to see me.

I try to keep up some semblance of normal at home for the boys…eating dinner together…running them to their activities…taking the dogs to the park to play. Then they go to their rooms to chill and I am alone…so I write…missing Jason next to me…wishing my feet were on his lap…or warming up under his thigh.

Someday maybe things will get easier, but that day is not today.

4 thoughts on “Four Weeks Today

  1. I am so glad you are doing this blog. I hope committing the words to paper (virtual) gives you some comfort. That releasing them out to the world frees your heart little by little of all that you’ve carried. You are the backbone and heart of your family. And you need rest. Praying for you. ❤️

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  2. How do you overcome this? I have colon cancer stage IV and I’m feeling this is getting to a very difficult point. I am concerned about my wife and my dad. They will be sad if I pass, but how can I make their grief period shorter? And my wife, how can she begin a new chapter in life? I’ve talked to her about this. I wonder if there’s more I could do or say.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that. I don’t think that there is really anything you can do to make their grief shorter. It is the result of the huge love they have for you. I will say that practically speaking make sure your wife knows about all of your accounts, passwords, financial stuff, your wishes for a funeral, etc. It is hard to talk about, but the less decision-making she has to do on her own later…the better. Prayers to my friend. Cancer sucks.

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