Tag: memories

Oregon

Posted on by mfregien6c146e4539

Over Labor Day weekend I took a trip to visit my brother and his family out in Oregon. It was my first time visiting since they moved out there 4 years ago…my first time to Oregon…my first experience of the Pacific Ocean. Definitely won’t be my last.

Oregon spoke to my soul with her towering trees hanging with moss….waterfalls plummeting down from unimaginable heights…rivers rushing by on their way down Mt. Hood…ocean waves crashing on the beach as I stood at the edge of the world looking out into the vastness. So many times all I could do was just pause and give witness to and respect for the beauty and sheer power I was surrounded by.

Making memories with my brother’s family was fantastic. I loved spending a few days with my nephews and niece and getting to know them better. Every time…which was often…I heard one of them say to my brother or SIL “I’m just asking….but when/what are we going to eat?” It just made me chuckle…as if they would ever be allowed to starve! I loved listening to Ben…who is a senior…tell me all the things about different places in Oregon and things he loves to do. He reminds me a lot of my Grandpa. Eli is more introverted…loves music…and some of the things that would come out of his mouth made me laugh so hard, just because they were unexpected. He has a smile that can light up a room…but he makes you work for it. Norah is the youngest and doesn’t let her brothers get away with anything. She is athletic and is really into Ultimate Frisbee…she has quite the throwing arm with that disc. I can’t wait to go back and spend more time with them.

And then, of course, there’s my brother and sister-in-law. I had such a hard time saying goodbye to them. Jason and I always loved spending them with them. When my brother was in college sometimes they would spend a weekend with us so Jason could help him with his programming homework. We visited them many times when they lived in Madison…or they would make the trek to the Twin Cities. One summer we vacationed together up at Rutgers. It was nice reminiscing with them about some of those memories…but also it felt right to make new ones with them.

Wednesdays

Posted on by mfregien6c146e4539

Wednesdays are my counting day. Today makes 12. I want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed…have to go to work. Another day. Seven more before 13.

When Jason was on hospice the last few days of his life my neighbors gathered in our driveway…to support us and say their “goodbyes” to Jason. They gave me a windchime. I love it so much. I can hear it from anywhere in the house. It reminds me of Jason and also that I have “people”. Today it’s going like crazy. Love that.

Happy Heavenly Birthday

Posted on by mfregien6c146e4539

Today is Jason’s 44th birthday…his 1st one in Heaven. Ugh…how all the first things without him suck. So many extra reminders of him not being here…empty spaces that were his.

If he were here we would go out to dinner tonight. Probably somewhere not too fancy because he wouldn’t want to make too big a deal out of it. He’d order an Old Fashioned…with bourbon, not brandy…sorry my Wisconsin friends who make them wrong…and then we would just spend time as a family.

This week I’ve been listening to this song a lot…”Memories” by Maroon Five

So if you’re thinking about Jason and our family today on his birthday. Raise your glass of whatever you are drinking…Old Fashioned or otherwise…and think of your favorite memory of him. He’ll feel us…I know he will.

Happy Birthday Babe
Wish you were here.
I would wake you up with kisses
And whisper in your ear.

Instead you are gone
And nothing feels right.
Without you by my side
Holding me tight

People keep saying
You're in a better place.
But you were happy here
Always a smile on your face.

I know you felt pain
Memory loss and confusion
Is it selfish to want you back?
Death is an unfair conclusion.

I hope you are happy now
Painfree and whole
Playing tennis like you loved
Before the ability was stole.

So happy birthday my love
My angel in Heaven
Keep watching over us
Until we meet again.
Jason’s 40th Birthday

Snapshots of Memories

Posted on by mfregien6c146e4539

Jason was the photographer in our family. He would often take a picture and then say…”documented”…as if it was his job to make sure that particular moment was preserved for all time. He would make fun of the pictures I would try to take. I’m not good at lighting…setting the scene…centering…not getting my fingers in the picture…all that photographering stuff.

Now I am constantly flipping through the pictures on my phone. I feel like Harry Potter gazing into the Mirror of Erised at his heart’s desire. And now through the magic of live photos on my iPhone I can see the photos come to life for a few seconds…also very Potteresque. I have one of those live photos as the lock screen on my phone right now. Feels like a million times a day I press my finger to it just to watch Jason grin as I nuzzle my (probably freezing cold) nose into his neck

And since all my thoughts ramble around in my head as verse these days…

Photos

Photos hold a power
They are more than just a face
Nay...they are a memory
Frozen in time and space

All the trips we took together
Hikes at the state park
Holidays and everydays
Selfies taken on a lark

Now I look at photos
Searching for his smile
Bringing me good memories
At least for a little while

Others look at the pictures
And remark how happy he looks
We had the greatest life
One for the history books

But all they see are the smiles
Not the memory
Those are private moments
No one can take from me.