Brain Surgery Anniversary

May 12, 2020…two years ago today…I dropped Jason off at the door to the hospital the morning of his first brain surgery. Not able to go in at all because of Covid. I spent the day surrounded by family and friends…while he was all alone. Worrying…pacing…waiting for calls from the surgeon and nurses updating me on how he was doing. I didn’t get to actually hear his voice until about 7pm.

He was only in the hospital for two days…he came home on the 14th…but those two days felt soooo long. Everytime I was able to talk to him on the phone or Facetime with him I could see how badly he just wanted to be home. I knew from that very first hospital stay that when the time came for hospice he would be at home with me…in our house. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and how those days would haunt me…grab ahold of me…not let go…wake me in the middle of the night with tears streaming down my cheeks…replay over and over….like my brain just can’t make sense of it. Would I do it again? Yeah…for him.

Right before his surgery, a friend arranged for us to have family photos taken. Check out the long hair…and the covid grey roots…yikes! Most evenings you could find Jason and I like this. Me with my hand in the crook of his arm…each of us with a dog…going for a walk. Feels like a different lifetime. And to think that two years ago two nights without him seemed like forever…

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