Writing is hard tonight. Too much crying…everything’s blurry. I was actually having an okay day today. Then after dinner I was talking to Seth about his plans for next year. That turned into him talking to my brother-in-law and applying to the tech school in Wausau for SPRING semester…as in he would start at the end of January. After he went downstairs the tears came. I am so proud of him and want him to be happy and spread his freaking wings…but damn…it will be so hard on me when he moves out. A 5 person household down to just 2 in less than 6 months…makes my heart hurt…so much. It is absolutely the best thing for him though. He did of course have to check and make sure there is an indoor tennis option in Wausau…there is.

Then Anna called. I don’t even remember why and I told her about Seth applying to school and of course got teary again. And she’s great and telling me she’ll be home in just a couple weeks. And then we start talking about Christmas…which is just going to be lowkey at home for us this year…and I say something about not buying slippers this year. Jason got slippers for Christmas so many years in a row I don’t even know. It was always what he wanted and he just loved the comfort of a new pair of slippers. And then I’m just crying on the phone. Which I hate because I want her to think I’m fine while she’s at school….but damn.

Everything feels hard. I’m tired of being “strong”…keeping all the shit together…things changing right from under me constantly. I just want my husband back. Ree and Jas together were an awesome team that could handle anything life threw at us. Now I’m just Marie and I suck at this shit….and every fiber of me just misses him so bad.

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