Yesterday, I sat down in my therapist’s office…on the edge of the couch…leaning forward. I was in full-on fight or flight mode…either ready to rumble or head for the hills. She asked me what was up and I said “I just want to fast-forward past the holidays and land in mid-January”…and I started rambling about every relationship/situation/holiday stressor my head had been trying to figure out. I didn’t get very far in my ramble before she stopped me…told me to shake my whole body out…find my space with my head above my heart…breathe…and listen…not to my head…but to my heart. Once I was able to do that…and it did take awhile…my heart told me quite clearly what to do. I don’t know about you…but the feeling that I get when I make a decision that is right with my heart is incomparable…it is complete peace.
But why is it is hard? It’s because my brain gets in the way and tangles everything up…every single time. My brain is always looking to the outside…seeing everyone else in the scenario…trying and trying and trying…to find perfect solutions…to make sure everyone else gets what they need…that nobody else’s feelings are hurt. My brain puts everyone’s feelings on my shoulders…makes them my responsibility. I become paralyzed with anxiety…unable to make any decision…fight or flight kicks in.
My heart helps me separate the “me problems” from the “them problems”. It helps me realize that sometimes there is not a perfect solution to a situation, but there is always a right solution. And as long as I am doing what feels right in my heart, any hurt feelings other people have is a “them problem”…because my heart isn’t going to let me ruthlessly hurt people that I care about…not if I’m really listening to it.
Now the trick is to be able to make heart-made decisions at home by myself and not just on my therapist’s couch!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 