Thanksgiving 2024

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for a lot of things…but mostly just that I am alive. That might seem like a weird and perhaps selfish thing to say…but for me…it’s a big deal…because I haven’t felt thankful for that in quite some time. In fact, I’ve more often wondered what it would be like to be dead. How easy it would be to just keep driving North on my way home from work…stop at some unknown woods somewhere and just get lost…let nature take it’s course…be food for the creatures of the woods…the woods itself…at least then I would be good for something. Or slip away under the water somewhere…it seems kind of peaceful under there. And while these were just passing thoughts in my head…as time went on they were definitely there more often. Three wonderful humans were really the only things keeping my feet planted…my head from wandering too far.

And then last May I had dinner with a friend who I only see every few months or so. And she saw past all my “I’m fine’s” and “I’m doing all right’s” and handed me a phone number. She had already checked to make sure they were taking new patients and she told me to call them….because I was not all right. I was not fine. I needed help. And that’s how I met my therapist, Tara, who continues to help me work through the dark times…who has shown me time and time again that she will not cringe away from my truths…who has earned my trust week after week. I would like to say that she saved my life….but more accurately…she helped me save myself.

I know that mental health is a really “cringey” topic in our society…and maybe this post is a little more…I don’t know…sobering…than you were looking for on a holiday. I also think it is really important to bring up ESPECIALLY on a holiday…because these are the days when mental health struggles get even harder for a lot of people. Please check up on the people that are in your life…especially over the holidays…especially if they’ve been quiet.

So today, I am thankful for being alive. I am thankful for the three wonderful humans…perfect mixes of Jason and I…that I am blessed to spend my life with. I am thankful for those in my life who reach out…who notice when I’ve gone quiet. I am thankful for every new day that I watch the sunrise and I am filled with possibility instead of dread. I will never take those things for granted.