One of my first therapy appointments…a whole six months ago now…we talked about SHOULDS. I remember walking into her office. Feeling overwhelmed. Like the whole weight of the world was on my shoulders. It wasn’t an unusual day. This was pretty much just “life” for me at that point. And I started talking about how overwhelmed I was and she dragged out her whiteboard and started writing down all the SHOULDS coming out of my mouth. And it was a lot–probably close to 50. Things I thought I SHOULD do. Things friends or family told me I SHOULD do. Things society told me I SHOULD do. We started going through that list and changed the really essential things to MUST do…and narrowed my To-Do list down to like 5.
The truth is that SHOULDS are rarely useful. They are usually some sort of action being prescribed upon your life by someone/something that is deluded enough to imagine they know your life better than you. And that probably sounds harsh…but in my experience it is very true. SHOULDS usually come right before unsolicited advice….which is annoying at the very least…and often infuriating. I try so hard to not say SHOULD to other people…and it is really hard sometimes!
So since that day I have tried to be very careful about the SHOULDS because I’ve noticed that usually when I start feeling overwhelmed it’s because my SHOULDS are building up. This time of year especially I need to give myself a SHOULDS check. I SHOULD pick my leaves up off my yard….but I don’t…nature can take care of herself just fine. I SHOULD buy my kids Christmas gifts, but it stresses me out coming up with ideas and they like picking out their own things…so I give them a dollar amount and let them spend it as they wish. I SHOULD decorate for Christmas, but nobody in my house cares if we have a tree up so I’m not going to deal with it. Crossing SHOULDS off my list is freeing and it gives me more energy and headspace to deal with the MUSTS.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 