What is it about mornings? I had forgotten how much I love them. How they have always been MY time. When the kids were young, the early AM’s were about the only time I could focus on myself. I would get up early and head out the door for a morning run…or to the gym…be back before anyone even woke up. I would grumble about it a bit…but secretly I loved that time…before the rest of the world was awake. It felt stolen and magical. Then somewhere along the line…probably when the kids started getting more independent…I just stopped getting up early. Started calculating every last minute I could stay in my bed before I had to get up and go to work.
And then…I started making self-love coffee and writing my pages every morning. Suddenly I have a morning routine in place that I love. Writing my stream-of-consciousness pages primes my brain for more creative writing. I rediscover the magic of the early mornings. That combined with the long, dark evenings…where I struggle to get any routine in place that feels good…and soon I am getting up at 4:30am and more than ready to go to bed at 8:30pm.
And you might ask…why do you need to get up early to have time alone? Or for that matter go to a cabin for 4 days alone? Aren’t you alone all the time anyway? Yes…and no. There is a power and a peace in the alone that I choose. The alone when I am really alone. The times when I choose my alone I am able to bring my focus to myself and what I need…without judgment. Other times I am often alone…but amongst people…and that alone can feel lonely…as I watch other people interact with each other…especially couples. The alone of the evening…or the weekend…feels like a forced alone. I am alone because the person who should be by my side is not…and that alone just hurts. So the mornings are when I take my power back.
The Waterfall
The smell of coffee
Rouses me from slumber
Pulls me from my bed
Like a fish
On the end of a line
Helpless to the lure
The house is dark and quiet
Kids safe in bed
Dogs barely raise their heads
Coffee in hand
First sips working their magic
Settle at my desk
Quilt wrapped around me
Warding off the chill
Pen in hand-red today
I open my notebook
And let my thoughts spill-
Waterfall across the page
Released out of the dam of my brain
I am alone
Just me and my waterfall-
Words scream out
Sound absorbed by the rage of the water
That keeps my secrets
Clarity appears like a rainbow
Above the spray of the falls
My mind finds peace and stillness
As the house wakes up
Starts exhaling warm air
And I am ready
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 