Blechy Tuesday

Self-love is not coming easy to me today. I woke up at 2am with a stomach bug. Tried to convince myself I was fine this morning…walked into work…and then walked back out 5 minutes later when my coworkers shooed me home. It’s a good thing that I don’t get sick very often because I don’t do it well…especially now. I get sad…I get depressed. I start to feel very lonely and sorry for myself.

I came home and crawled back into bed. The dogs were more than happy to cuddle back up with me…especially since it was raining outside. I gave myself a talking to about “self-love” and taking care of myself when I’m not feeling well. Made sure I had some water to sip on. Dozed on and off. Finished the last chapter of a book I had been reading.

Not too much later Baby Girl got out of bed. When I told her I wasn’t feeling well do you know what the first thing she said to me was? “Would you like me to run to Caribou and get you some coffee since you don’t feel good?” And me, the emotional being that I am, got all teary. At first I said “no” because I wasn’t sure how my stomach was feeling about coffee…but then I changed my mind because I knew she really wanted to do something to make me feel better…and it’s COFFEE…I’m no fool.

I spent the day going back and forth from my bed to my desk. I am completely enamored with my desk these days. Everything in my desk space is very deliberately placed…plants…colorful pens…journals…books…coaster for my tea or coffee…Jason’s quilt to wrap up in. It’s my “no bullshit” space. When I sit at my desk I commit myself to the truth. To putting away whatever mask I may’ve felt like I had to wear that day.

My desk is my space for true self-expression. Every morning, I wake up…feed the dogs…pour myself a cup of self-love coffee…and sit at my desk…and write. 3 pages…every morning…no cheating. Whatever is on my mind or in my heart…or as what happens a lot…things I didn’t even know were on my mind or in my heart until the pen touched the paper. Even if you’re not a “writer” per say I would encourage you to try it…just once. Sit and write until you fill up three pages. When I first started doing this my pages would be filled up with “I don’t know what to write next”….”My hand is cramping”….”Am I done yet”. Now, most mornings, three pages fly by…and my days feel a lot more focused.

I started doing this after my therapist mentioned “The Artist’s Way” to me in one of our sessions. Me…being me…someone mentions a book to me I’m gonna go buy it that same day. I’m so glad that I did. I went from not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings and feeling scattered throughout my day–to looking forward to getting out of bed…with my self-love coffee…and feeling more focused and centered. I will say that if you decide to try it I highly recommend buying some fun pens that are easy to write with…it helps!