The kids and I just spent a really good weekend with most of my family…one of my brothers had to work. I think it was the first time that we have been together since Jason’s funeral. It was definitely the first time all of the cousins have been together since my youngest niece was born at the end of 2022. It was so nice to hang out and catch up on what everyone has been up to. Levi brought Svea to meet all the family. She seemed to fit in pretty well. Only kicker was Levi waking up with excruciating pain in his ear yesterday which required a run to urgent care and some meds. Thankfully, he was a trooper and tried to rally the best he could to have a good day.
It was awesome hearing memories of Jason being tossed around. One of my nephews has taken up tennis. My brother and I talked about how Jason helped to plant that seed when he rounded up all the kids and took them to the courts exactly 6 years ago today. 6 years ago my nephew tried to jump over the net and ended up with a skinned knee…now he can step over it without even trying. Kiddo towers over me…well over 6 ft tall. I really enjoyed being able to talk tennis with him this weekend. Jason would have loved that his love of tennis was passed on.
One of my sisters shared with me that Jason was the first one to let her drive a car. Apparently it was one of the many times she stayed at our house over the years. She said she was 14 or 15 and Jason took her to a parking lot and let her drive our gold Saturn. I had no idea!
I woke up in my tent this morning…looking up at the ceiling…thinking about how good the weekend felt…and then the wave of sad just hit. It’s hard to feel such a mix of such strong emotion. I felt like I finally found some “ease” around my family again…like I was finding my groove…feeling supported and loved…and then “wham” just like that…sad, teary, ready to go home…even though I had a really, really good weekend and nothing happened that upset me…quite the opposite. My therapist always tells me that Love and Grief go hand in hand…and quite often it will be the times I feel the most Love that the Grief will follow closely behind. She kinda knows what she’s talking about I guess!
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 