Jason and I got married in August, 2000. It was on our Honeymoon that I said…let’s have a baby! He asked to table that discussion until January…lol. Anna was born Nov 1, 2001…Seth July 23, 2003…and then Levi August 26, 2007.
I loved parenting with Jason. Watching our kids grow through the years was one of our biggest joys. Seeing their different personalities emerge…various interests come and go…supporting them in their endeavors…being there for them through the hard times…letting them know that we will always, always love them. I remember so many times holding Jason’s hand and sharing a secret smile with him as we watched our kids…those were the best.
And then 4 years ago…right around this time…we had to tell them that their Dad had terminal brain cancer and was going to die. And then 15 months later they watched their Dad take his last breath…and it has been the 4 of us since then…just trying to figure life out around this huge, gaping hole in our family.
Being Mom to Anna, Seth, and Levi has been the singular thing that has kept me going for the past 2.5 years. They are the reason I keep going while I struggle so badly to find where I fit in this world…when there are so very few people that see the “me” under the mask…when I feel like I’m disappearing without much hope for a better future. They are the ones who bring me joy…who “get it” when I get teary…who make sure I’m okay. And when I see glimpses of their Dad in them…that is the absolute best.
For Mother’s Dad in 2019 Jason bought me a gazebo. It wasn’t anything fancy…but I loved it…and it quickly became “my spot”. I spent many hours out there. It was just a peaceful oasis where I could shut my brain off and just “be”. The summers of 2020 and 2021 he spent time out there with me and it was also a place where we could visit with family and friends outside because of Covid. Well, pretty quickly after he died, my gazebo wore out. The roof ripped…the kids and I tried to rig up a new one…it didn’t really work. The frame got bent. And my oasis turned into a skeleton in my backyard.
Well, today we are waiting for my new gazebo to be delivered and the boys and I are going to assemble it. We are also reusing some pieces from the old one as trellis along my fence. I love how they understand how much it means to me and all come together for me. Their Dad would be so proud of them.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 