Levi’s girlfriend was over a few weeks ago…nothing unusual. Out of the blue she asks me “Marie, what do you do at your job?” Her parents are both elementary school principals. Pretty straightforward what they do. “Tennis Coordinator” is pretty nebulous. And I tried to explain “stuff” to her. And then she asked “Well, if you could do anything…what would it be?” And I replied with one word…write.
Well, guess what I haven’t been doing much of recently? Writing. Why??? It’s a complex question and has a simple answer…kinda. The simple answer is “Because I haven’t been taking the time for it”. The more complex answer is “Because my feelings suck. My life sucks. I hate them. I don’t want to write about them”.
Emily Dickinson. Even if you “don’t like poetry” you’ve heard of her…right?? One of my favorite quotes from her “and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself”. Writing is my lantern. So, now, in this time when I feel so effing lost all the time I am realizing that I need to keep writing. Even when it sucks…and it hurts…and I hate how I feel. It’s maybe how life will start feeling….well…like life.
So I shook things up a bit today. Rearranged my room solely so I could move my desk in the corner…where two windows meet. Rededicated that space to writing.
And then I had a pleasant surprise. I have a hard time sleeping…really surprising right? So I sat down at my desk and opened up my tablet and found poems that I had written in the middle of the night that I had forgotten about. Guess I haven’t been “not writing” as much as I thought. If you like reading my poetry I added those poems to my Poetry Page. Read at your own risk…
And then the other reason why I have a hard time writing. So many distractions!! My dogs were exceptionally needy today. Levi’s friend came over…which was great…but I chatted with him for a little bit. I can’t write on my laptop…you might notice it closed on the table next to the desk….too many “other things” on there. I also need to put my phone “elsewhere”. And just write on my Remarkable tablet or my Freewrite. The Remarkable is just like writing with a pencil on paper…except it saves all your work…and can do other fancy things…like translate your handwriting to text…but I think my handwriting is too messy…lol. The Freewrite is basically a portable word-processor. I like it because it has the satisfaction of pushing down the keys. Both work better for me than trying to be creative on my laptop. Although I do always edit on my laptop.
So all of those distractions got me thinking about some time alone soon…a little writing retreat somewhere by myself. Hole up in a cabin with some wine and frozen pizzas.
Anyway…I did manage to write a little bit today…
New Perspective Rearranged my room today That used to be ours Need a new perspective My desk in the corner A new view Outside And I sit Mug in my hand Looking out the window Through the steam Rising Distorting the view Wool socks on my toes Cardigan wrapped tight Poor substitute For your arms Around me Snug Light a candle Watch the flame dance With the air Releasing Sweet perfume Mesmerizing Cold, black nose Nudges me out of my reverie Begging for attention Scratches under his chin Or rump Simple pleasures I wish my life were That simple Like it Used to be With You Now I’m watching Darkness fall And my tea has turned To wine And my heart Still hurts The new perspective feels the same.
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 