Jason should have turned 46 yesterday. We should have been joking about how he caught up with me again…I’m a couple weeks older. We probably would have spent the day outside. It was so nice out. He would have made a comment or two about having to take advantage of this weather to do yard work because you never know when it might be “the last nice weekend”. There probably would have been some outside tennis. His “Annie” would be home from school and he would have loved hearing about all that she has going on.
Well, none of that happened, but I did have a good day. Baby Girl came home from school Saturday evening. We spent time putting together three plant stands…rearranging house plants…bringing a few in from outside that I’m going to try to keep alive. My kitchen and dining room are now Plantopeia. Seth asked me if I really need all those plants. I told him that they help keep me going during the winter. He understood.
The boys mowed the lawn yesterday morning while Anna and I met Jackie at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. It was the perfect fall day for walking around…getting a little bit “lost-ish” and chatting.
Anna and I puttered in the afternoon and then the kids and I went out to dinner. And that’s when my mood flipped from “it’s nice outside…I’m enjoying good company…I’m doing okay” to the all-too familiar “I miss my husband…life sucks…I don’t want to do this anymore”.
So today I took a “mental health day off” from work. And I’m trying my best to give myself some grace and a little self-care. Lighting candles…wrapping myself up in a sweater…writing…drinking coffee. I think I’m going to rearrange my bedroom. Put my desk by a different window for awhile. Try to change my viewpoint on life
Love, Tennis, and Cancer 