Morning Visitor

I’ve decided that the word I hate most in the whole English language is “just”. I hate it even more than “moist”….lol. Now the word “just” has a bunch of different definitions and can be used in a whole slew of different contexts. The one particular usage of it that I detest is one of it’s adverb forms. A quick Google search defines “just” in this form as “simply; only; no more than”.

In the past almost 23 months I have been told I “just” need to do this or that. And let me tell you…when someone is going through something big, emotional, life-altering, etc. the last thing they want to hear from anyone is “just” because it totally downplays the immensity of the situation. It makes it seem like there is a simple solution, when in reality there is often no solution.

Here are some examples of things that I have been told I should “just”.

• Be grateful for what I have
• Remember all the good times we had together
• Move on
• Trust God
• Get through today
• Look forward to all the great things our kids are going to do
• Be happy that Jason is in a better place
• Keep busy
• Try
• Reach out
• Live because Jason wouldn’t want me to be sad

I apologize for that little bit of a soapbox. Maybe it seems like it came out of left field, but it’s been stewing in my brain for awhile. Especially more now that we’re approaching two years that Jason has been gone. It’s a harsh world out there for people who are grieving…filled with judgement and “just”.

I haven’t posted a poem for awhile. I’m not one to necessarily get all excited about signs…but this cardinal spoke to me this morning.

Cardinal Love

Gazing out my window
Cup of coffee in my hand
On my desk a piece of paper
Blank-waiting for my plan

Words jumble in my head
I can’t get them to behave
And then a flash of red
A cardinal catches my gaze

He perches on the wire
Right outside my window pane
I feel like he can see ME
A moment impossible to explain

He visits just a moment
Before gliding to the feeder
I keep looking for his mate
But I don’t see her

Maybe she’s back in their love nest
Sleeping in this dreary morn
Perhaps she was awake all night
Protecting their brood from the storm

The cardinal flits away
In his clenched beak some seeds
A doting mate and loving father
His family he works to feed

And as he flies out of sight
My parting thought is this
I’m jealous of that lady bird
I blow her mate a kiss