Once Again

Jason’s nephew got married on Saturday. It was the first family wedding I’ve attended since Jason died. I knew it would be hard, but it was important to me to be there with the family celebrating. I gave myself a pep talk beforehand that went something like “Marie…you will not lose your shit at the wedding” over and over again. And I was doing fine…chatting….visiting with family that came from North Dakota…dancing…only a little teary. And then reality hit me like a ton of bricks…and I was NOT fine.

The only good thing about losing my shit there was that I was with people that understood…let me have my moment…and then got me back out on the dance floor. Granted I was pretty much on the verge of tears the rest of the night, it was important to me that I be there. Love is always worth celebrating….even when it hurts.

To complete my unraveling…because why not?… I decided to really pull an “Alice” when I got home and went down the “rabbit hole”…pulling up pictures and videos from Jeremy and Cheryl’s wedding two years ago. Our last family pictures. Our last dance together. Hearing his voice. I miss him. And that’s not fixable or figureoutable.

Once Again

And I’m sitting in the corner
Vision blurred
Wishing you would walk in
Grab my hand
Pull me into your arms
For just
One more
Dance

And with my head on your shoulder
I love you’s in my ear
Swaying back and forth
The world
Would right itself
And start to make sense
Once
Again