Poetry

Who Am I (10/2/21)

Who am I?
I am me.
Am I the same
As I used to be?

I think no.
Or maybe yes.
The jury’s out
On that I guess.

I used to be
Spontaneous.
Let’s go I’d say
Be adventurous.

Now on the weekends
I shelter at home.
Social situations
Make me far from calm.

The outside world
Is a mysterious mess
Without my Northstar
Giving me guidance

It’s hard to know
In whom to confide-
That won’t take my feelings
And shove them aside.

Most people tell me
That I am so strong.
Encourage me-
Lift me up as I limp along

Some people decide for me-
I have too much on my plate
And then hurt me deeper
By leaving me outside the gate.

I yearn to connect with family
Sit around the table and tell stories
Talk about the good ole days
And all our former glories

But everyone tiptoes around me
Walking on eggshells
For fuck’s sake can we talk about Jason
I silently yell and yell and yell

I’m homesick for the past
The future is a blank
The present is just survival mode-
Work to put money in the bank.

So who am I now?
Hell if I know.
Sad, confused, and anxious
But holding on by a couple toes.